Resilience

November 5, 2023

In a trauma requiring resilience, we nurture ourselves unfailingly. We do not distract ourselves from our needs by focusing on the needs of others. In self-compassion, we attend to our needs, and then compassionately extend ourselves to others. In this way, we open ourselves to the love of others and we are affirmed, even in the midst of turmoil.

When our daughter Lauren passed away, we wondered how we would bear such a loss. The overwhelming cloud of sadness swept over us in waves, sucking the energy out of us. Life would never be the same, and we had to face life with no children. The grief and fear were paralyzing. Then there was the irrational guilt that’s part of most grief - the guilt that we were not with her and that we could not save her.

How can you be resilient when outer circumstances and inner torment attack you? Part of the answer was attending to our own needs first. There were many things we could not do at that time. We could not entertain guests outside our inner circle during the first few days. We could not do our regular exercise. We could not attend church or be out in crowds. In the first few days, though there was much to be done and many things demanding our attention, we needed time to sit, reflect, cry, sleep, pray and gather strength. We needed the support of dear friends who valiantly carried us through the darkest times.

From our depths, we knew the familiar pathway of grief. But no two sufferings are ever the same. This grief was about the special love that only Lauren could supply us and whose life needed a type of love that only we, her mother and father, could give her. Like an amputation, we were without part of our souls. In all amputations, there must be time to bandage the wound and to recline, to feel the hands of others upon us.

In any crisis, our needs are critical - needs for companionship, support and time away from stressful things that only add to our burdens. In crisis, the spirit needs to be soothed. It cannot receive that if the demands of the ego dominate. The soul knows what we need on our most profound levels. But we must listen to the soul to know its most profound desires. The soul progresses through hardships only if we take the time to listen to it.

Inquiry: Do you ever fiercely take care of yourself?

Dear God,

I give you thanks for your healing times of self-care. Amen.

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