Going Deeper Part 5
November 26, 2024
Going Deeper Part 5
It is easy to hold grudges against others and ourselves when people disappoint us and when we disappoint ourselves. In large part, the disappointment is when expectations go unmet and people let us down. It isn't easy when we count on someone, and now we realize we can't count on them as we thought we could. And the same goes for ourselves: we counted on ourselves to be or do something, but we didn't come through.
From relationships with hundreds of people over the last 50 years of clinical practice, I learned that almost everyone is susceptible to having resentments and grudges toward others and themselves. And these hurts cause much suffering. We all need others, but when they do not meet our expectations, we feel a sense of loss. When we lose something or someone, anger and resentment quickly enter. It hurts when ignored, unheard, dismissed, scheduled out of a valued person's life, or relegated to "the lesser." This happens to all of us.
When we fail ourselves by not being sensitive to the needs of others or not upholding the sacred expectations of a relationship, we tend to feel guilty and then resent or punish ourselves. My experience convinces me that this happens to all of us.
This is the human condition, but it is possible to consciously remove the ego from the equation. We can take heart if we are conscious of how our ego hurts us. The ego is a self-protective mechanism that counts on others to be who it needs. Unfortunately, the ego is not always in touch with the soul, who is not fooled into believing that grudges are unacceptable when someone disappoints us or we disappoint ourselves. But how often do we consult our soul, the kingdom within, when we are disappointed, miffed, or angry?
The unhealthy ego is disappointed in those who fail it, whereas the soul is far more accepting of others and themselves. Why? Because the soul knows the universality of human frailty and is in touch with its capacity to forgive. The soul is grounded in being, and not far away from its Creator - the one true Source of All Being. When something grave or cataclysmic happens, many, even non-believers, exclaim, "OH MY GOD!"
I believe so many of us exclaim “Oh My God” because when we are suddenly shaken by a stark reality of life and death, we are jolted out of our complacency, shocked out of our dream, and immediately appeal to the One True Source of All Being — like when, as children, we screamed for our parents. Isn’t it interesting that the exclamation “Oh My God” carries the affirmation that God is ours?
Self-inquiry: Have you ever said, "OH MY GOD!"? If so, did you think about saying it before you said it? Or was it a reflex? Why do you think it was a reflex?
Spiritual practice: List all the people who have disappointed you. Write down what your ego would say to them. Then, write down what your soul would say. Do the same when you have disappointed yourself. Compare the difference between the two sets of responses.
Dear God,
I pray to know my soul. I am glad that you are my God. Amen
