Energy and Will - Part 7
April 7, 2025
If we have relationships that drain us of our energy, it’s time for self-compassion and self-care. The people who drain us are usually unaware of what they are doing. They may drain other people too, but our feeding into their dependency needs, demands, and life narrative will sap us of our precious energies. If we have the courage, we might discuss these issues with the friend. But this is not always doable or the best approach. So, to preserve and redirect the relationship, it’s best to set boundaries kindly, and stick with them, or in a mature manner, discontinue the relationship.
But we can also set boundaries with internal “friends” who take advantage of us. Our internal friends are aspects of ourselves, usually on the level of the unchecked ego or superego, who chatter in our heads all day long. These friends tell us what we did wrong, what we said that was bad, how we mishandled a problem, and what will happen to us due to our thoughts and actions.
How do we set boundaries with our inner critics? We voice over them. Once we become conscious of the inner lashing, dressing down, the inner negative fantasies, etc., and the overwhelming anxiety they cause, we drop into our depths, realize the self-flagellation, and from our soul’s life force, say the truth out loud. Our strong words displace the inner critic’s voice with the truth.
For example, if we are driving and think of something we forgot to tell someone, our inner critic may say, “You idiot; why would you leave out such an important thing? Why are you so absent-minded and insensitive? What will they think of you?” Instead of decompensating into self-rejection, the life force says to the inner critic, “NO, I am a worthwhile human who is not perfect; I am in the process of growth and am always learning. I see this thing I omitted and have the resources to resolve this situation. Though I make mistakes, I am lovable and loved.”
Being grounded in our soul’s life force is a remarkable defense against our inner friends’ criticisms. But we do not want to rid ourselves of these friends. After all, when they are healthy, their take on life is likely to be more accurate than not. So, gathering their opinions may be helpful. As aspects of our superego, they see things more objectively than does an unhealthy ego, which thinks we are perfect. So, the healthiest and most conscious thing for us to do is to set boundaries for our unhealthy friends and teach them the truth about who we are by speaking it out loud— and forcefully if need be.
Spiritual practice: Write down self-affirmations reflecting your wonderful attributes. Keep these on small cards in your wallet. When your inner critics (“friends”) attack you, simply bring out your cards and speak the truths. Some dear souls find that it is a good spiritual practice to listen to a voice recording on their phone of a good friend affirming the truth about them.
Self-inquiry: What are some reasons why you would not place boundaries on your inner critic?
Dear God,
Heal me of self-condemnation and lift me to see the truth. When that truth includes my missing the mark, please give me the energy of self-compassion and self-affirmation. Amen
