Energy and Will - Part 6
April 6, 2025
Sometimes, our energies flow into our relationships. These are the people who mean the most to us, but it can include those who may drain us, distract us, or disintegrate us. Maybe they are people who, for some reason, we feel obligated to, or perhaps we feel sorry for them. Maybe the person is intriguing, insightful, or charismatic, and they draw us into them, but we end up with no fulfillment. We may have affinities for those with whom we have much in common and therefore feel kinship, but they may not have the same feelings toward us.
Hopefully, most of our relationships are rewarding and mutually satisfying, but some are debilitating and destructive. The first question to ask ourselves is, “Are my relationships healthy?” If some are not, we must ask ourselves, “Who seems to be the problem and why?”
Before we take steps to heal or discontinue the relationship, it’s essential to know if our problem is most related to our id, ego, or super ego. If it is on the level of our Id, it has to do with our primal drives, many of which we are out of conscious contact. Primal drives easily engage our life force because they are akin to survival and sexual instincts. Many aspects of the Id are part of our shadow side, which is composed of all the things about us that we do not know. Therefore, a shadow aspect of ourselves can be attracted to or drawn to a person for reasons we are unaware of. But we are in contact with some of our primal drives, and they can also take us into dangerous territories and relationships.
The ego is another level of relationships. A relationship on the ego level meets our ego needs, which is fine. However, when the ego is unchecked, it operates from its fixation, the unconscious and compulsive behaviors that drive it. When driven by a fixation, all our relationships are filtered through it. Because we are not aware of the power of our fixation, we are also not aware of how it affects and shapes our relationships, which always leads to problems. On the other hand, an ego that is healthy and conscious can handle relationships in a much more open and honest way. The fixation no longer dominates the ego. This creates good communication and allows the relationship to operate safely and to grow.
A relationship on the superego level is most related to our standards, sense of a higher calling, our moral and ethical stances, and our understanding of duty and obligations. These relationships are with those who represent our ideals, inspire us, and live in ways that nurture our higher selves. However, a distorted superego can keep us in relationships that we feel obligated to keep, even if we gain nothing from them. We do our duty to these people, but we have no internal desire to be in relationships with them. Some of our superego relationships operate from self-imposed internal standards. If we do not perpetuate these relationships, our inner critic may come down hard on us and punish us.
Spiritual practice: Assess the level and health of all your relationships.
Self-inquiry: What is your most cherished relationship, and why?
What are your most problematic relationships, and why?
Dear God,
I pray for insight into all my relationships. Amen
