Grief

June 26, 2023

In the Spirituality of the Enneagram, our quest is to return to our soul and eventually reunite with the Divine Source. But the soul has many challenges along the way, the most difficult of which is loss and grief. The ego has its way of dealing with grief as well.

We resolve our hunger when we finally get what we long for: food. But we resolve grief very differently. In the healthy grief process, we realize there is nothing we can do to retrieve the person or thing we lost. Healthy grieving leads to the acceptance that the thing or person we lost will never be a source of life or love for us again.

On the other hand, unhealthy grief comes from an ego unwilling to accept that a source of love and/or well-being is gone. Ego grief is fierce. The unhealthy ego will not let go of its wishes or compulsion to hang on to the lost person or thing. Hanging on frequently involves projecting blame onto someone they hold responsible for the loss.

Unhealthy ego grief can also include the act of revenge. But it also has other ways of hanging on as a reaction to loss. An example is Queen Victoria who refused to give up mourning for her husband, Albert, who died in 1861. So, she wore black for the next forty years until her death.

It is typical for some unhealthy egos to keep their home as when the deceased was alive. Some unhealthy egos go into a prolonged depression called Clinical Grief Reaction. Many unhealthy grieving egos think that their loved one is still alive. An example is Prince Harry who, after the 1997 death of his mother, Princess Diana, thought for years she was hiding out and would come for him and his brother William.

Soul grief is different from ego grief. Soul grief is not motivated by selfishness. It doesn't blame another or seek revenge for their loss. It doesn't hang on to the loved one or pretend they are still on earth. We will explore Soul Grief in detail in tomorrow's Daily Reflection.

Inquiry: Have you ever known ego grief?

Dear God,

I pray to be conscious of when my ego handles my losses. Amen.

Make peace with your ego and discover your true path today. We will share Dr. Howell's full daily reflection and prayer on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. To receive the full week, please complete the form below to begin your journey into who God has made you to be. The path to wholeness starts now!