Knowing Others

July 26, 2023

Many people label others according to how they act. But on the Enneagram of Personality, we can’t go by someone’s actions in determining their type. Outward actions and rhetoric may be consistent with a specific type but we do not know the person’s underlying intentions and motivation is the key to finding our type.

Knowing the motivations behind people’s actions is the only way to determine their type. For example, someone may be a forceful bully, so we think they are an EgoType Eight. However, their powerful nature is an over-compensation for their inner doubt and fear. They are a counter-phobic Ego Type Six. In this case, we have a person acting like one type but, in reality, is another.

Most of us familiar with the Enneagram cannot meet someone without associating them with a possible type. Nor can we resist typing our family, friends, famous people and colleagues in our minds. But, by the same token, if someone treats us as if we are the type they suppose us to be, problems may arise. They miss the opportunity to relate to our actual type and we are treated as if we have motivations that we do not. That can get messy.

So, instead of typing someone, it’s best to ASK them their Enneatype. They may be settled on it; they may have studied it deeply. They may only have a cursory knowledge of type. They may have played the “What’s Your Type” game, attended a workshop or not know a thing about the Enneagram. But if they have discerned their type, ask what synched it for them.

Many people are sure of their type after working with a certified Enneagram professional or coach. This is the most reliable method, to my knowledge. Professional typing programs like those in the Narrative Tradition are also excellent and reliable. But no system can type without the subjective answers supplied by the person being typed. Therefore, the last word on who we are comes from our own assessment.

Some of us know our type instinctively, some take a longer time to embrace it. Some realize their ego type by the nine personality descriptions. Some realize it only by inspecting the descriptions of the nine soul children. For others, the passions are the tip off, or the Avoidances. Some settle on a type, but after studying the subtypes and other factors, they realize they are another type. It is a journey.

Very few people understand the seriousness of issues associated with Enneagram typing. The danger of typing someone without experience is a disservice to the person and ourselves. And remember the sensitive person experienced in the Enneagram, only helps people realize their type; they do not tell them their type.

Inquiry: Why would you want someone experienced in the deeper aspects of the Enneagram to help you find your type?

Dear God,

I pray your Holy Spirit be in all discernments. Without your Spirit, I am fumbling in darkness, relying on human intelligence alone. Amen.

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