Grief

May 31, 2023

There is a spot in our backyard where our dog Byron is buried. He died in 1990 at age 16. Byron had been our only "child" for seven years until Ben arrived, and they became fast friends. Shortly after that, Byron and our second child, Lauren, became very close. 

Our family was not complete without Byron; he went everywhere with us. 

When I bring myself to Byron's little grave at the bottom of our shaded yard, there's still a tug in my heart, my eyes fill with tears, and my heart swells with gratitude. Wonderful memories flood my being. For us, Byron was many qualities of the Divine all rolled into one. So in a way, he was part of the kingdom, right in our household, to love on, laugh with, sit by, walk with, run with and walk the beach with for hours. 

Bryon was loyal, affectionate, friendly and humble. He was an adept swimmer and an excellent retriever. I will never forget the tenderness with which he greeted Ben and Lauren when they were only bundles that had just arrived. 

True, conscious grief is never-ending; we never “get over” it. When re-living the holy memories of someone we lost, their soul qualities envelop us. All the majesty and beauty from heaven they brought with them and shared with us flood up from our souls.

No great loss - human or animal, is ever "solved" or resolved to be forgotten. Even though there may be other loves and personages filling the holes in our hearts, no one fills them as did that particular one. No other shared with us the experiences we had with them. No other shared the same history. No one elicited the exact feelings of affection they did. 

They are and shall remain part of our brokenness. But in conscious grief, all brokenness - animal, human or inanimate are "cracks that let the light in." And though the light does not bring them back in the flesh or the material, it bathes us in comfort from beyond ourselves. 

So at Byron's grave, the tug on my heart, the tears and the memories flooding my soul do not remind me so much of what I lost. Instead, they express the parts of God Byron gave to me.  

Inquiry: Have you lost a love whose spirit you still carry?

Dear God,

What a fantastic animal Byron was. You created just the companion we needed. His memory will be in my heart forever. I still love him so. He taught me many things about your kingdom that only he could get across to me. With a heart overflowing with gratefulness,

Amen.

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