Making Peace with the Past Part 1

November 29, 2024

Making Peace with the Past Part 1

You are warmly invited to this week’s series of Daily Reflections on the subject of “Making Peace with the Past.”

We judge our pasts, but we were not the people we are now when we lived that past. Therefore, we tend to judge our behaviors, actions, feelings, decisions, and thoughts of the past by who we are now. Monday morning quarterbacking gives the inner critic a license to judge ourselves harshly. If we try to make peace with our past by judging and punishing ourselves, we do ourselves a disservice. We can experience shame and remorse for past instances, which can weigh heavily. We can also live in the regret that, “If only I had done such and such my life would be far better than it is now.”  

For example, after we review some of our past and experience a negative emotion, we may ask ourselves, “What was I thinking?” or “I’d never do that now; what possessed me to do it then?” “I don’t even know that person.” We may even go as far as to say to ourselves, “You deserve a swift kick for that one.” And we may even punish ourselves either consciously or unconsciously for the decision we made.

Then, there is the process of remembering the past and feeling happy about the memories we recall. We do not have to make peace with those memories because they are not upsetting. However, we need to acknowledge them and realize that they contribute to the person we are today, even though we are not the exact same person who made those happy memories. 

A current movie entitled “Here” with Tom Hanks and Robin Wright, directed by Robert Zemeckis, is a fantastic portrayal of how we become different people at different stages of our lives. We may have the same fundamental personalities, but our souls transform and grow over the years. In this sobering and thoughtful movie, we see how the river of life seamlessly flows from one generation to the next and how we grow during the process. It is a study of human transformation that occurs over time, which is just as sure as the biological transformation we experience in aging. 

The movie prompts me to be generous with myself and the decisions made earlier in life. Seeing how we change over time puts me in contact with my limitations, fears and desires of long-gone eras. Some of us torture ourselves with regret. Yet the compassion and grace we grant ourselves frees us to accept our destiny.

Spiritual practice: Watch the current movie “Here” and be conscious of the thoughts and emotions it stirs in you. What memories does the film trigger in you? 

Self-inquiry: How do you judge your former self? What criteria do you use? 

Dear God, 

My face turns red when I think of some things I thought and did in particular stages of my life. But I pray that more comes to light as I journey into wholeness and away from self-alienation and inner division. Amen