Unforgettable Things I Have Heard

November 26, 2023

I had the pleasure of meeting my future sister-in-law’s parents at an engagement party for my brother Trevor and his fiancé, Karen. I recall asking Karen’s mother what it was like for her daughter to leave home and begin married life. With soulful eyes, Mrs. Fowler replied, "How would you feel?"

I replied, “I don’t know.” Single and twenty-three, I'd never imagined a child of mine leaving and getting married. I could hardly even imagine having a child. But Mrs. Fowler's question was a gift because it forced me to imagine how someone may have felt, even though I did not experience it.

After thinking it over, I wondered if Mrs. Fowler may have been grieved. I knew she was very happy for Karen, but after all, she may have been sad that her family would never be the same. I wish that I could have responded in a more empathic way, but I was not mature or conscious enough to do so.

As life unfolded, I would eventually experience a child leaving home. I did feel what I imagined Karen's mother felt, but in my own way. I came to understand that this kind of sadness can be wrapped in joy; joy that your child is happy and progressing. There are myriads of things that happen to others that we have not experienced. However, the conscious life calls for us to respond to people heart-fully, even if their experiences are not our own.

For example, many of us say to those who suffer, "I can't imagine how you feel." But in truth, we can imagine how someone else might feel if we dare let ourselves go there. It takes courage to imagine another’s pain. But this is how our hearts build compassion, the compassion you and I crave when we are in pain.

Those of us who suffer are much more comforted to hear, “My heart is with you,” than to hear, “I can’t imagine being in your shoes.” In conscious awareness, we accept that we are all in painful shoes sometimes in our lives.

Inquiry: What can't you imagine?

Dear God,

Thank you for that dear soul, Marie, asking me how I would feel. My answer brought me closer to my soul. Amen.

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