Who Am I?

May 24, 2023

No one can type us on the Enneagram because no one can accurately tell us who we are. No other person living or dead has walked in our shoes and experienced what we have experienced.

Other people may think they know who we really are, but how could they? They are not privy to our depths. They evaluate only what they observe. However, they are not the only ones in the dark about who we are. Many times we too are unaware of who we are. How can that be?

Many of us are totally out of touch with our depths. We think we know ourselves like the back of our hand, but the fact is that we may only be skimming the surface of our identity. It is not entirely our fault. We are reinforced from an early age to conform to a certain personality. That personality fuses with our ego to become our way of being in the world. Then, we too believe that our personality is who we are.

But in our dreams, and at other times when heaven pierces reality, we come to “remember” that we are much deeper than our personality. In these experiences beyond our comprehension or control, we inhabit our depths if only for a few minutes, hours or days. Then we may return to our surface self where many of us live all the time. It is fascinating to discover the deep identity we are. It is our spiritual identity, our soul.

Not everyone wants to explore their deeper identity. But there are others of us who, once we get a glimpse of our true nature, cannot turn around. We unflinchingly quest for wholeness, which inevitably takes us into territories we’d never dreamed of entering.

It takes courage to know ourselves. It is not easy to sit in silence allowing anything to come to mind. It is not easy to shed the outside world and go inside ourselves through meditation, spiritual reading or contemplation. It's challenging to interpret our dreams and it is hard to tell another person what we are finding out about ourselves. Scary and confusing things often come to mind when we explore the mysterious unknown. Yet our real identity lies in our depths.

There are many methods to reach into our depths, but the most essential of them is to go inside our hearts and have a conversation with God in Divine light. I refer to this place as our individual Holy of Holies. In this sacred place, whether in meditation, contemplation or prayer, there is no veil between ourselves and God. Here we talk about the beautiful as well as the unspeakable. It is coming here throughout our lives that we come to know who we are.

Inquiry: Have you been to your depths lately?

Dear God,

I am forever grateful that you never fail to meet me in my sacred place. I only regret that I resist shedding the world, my busyness and my distractions in order to go there. Recently you have shown me more pathways to your presence that bring me closer. You accept all of me, even the broken and the shameful. I cherish these moments, but they are only moments … not my life. Oh that I could feel that closeness every second. Oh that I could live in my soul all the time!

Amen.

Make peace with your ego and discover your true path today. We will share Dr. Howell's full daily reflection and prayer on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. To receive the full week, please complete the form below to begin your journey into who God has made you to be. The path to wholeness starts now!