Judging Books by Their Covers

February 3, 2024

If you can't judge a book by its cover, what do you judge it by? This question prompts us to inspect how we judge people, things, ideas, and circumstances. Some of us go only by external appearances, which is a mistake because appearances can be very deceptive.

Over the years, so many of my patients seen for marital concerns have said to me, "I was head-over-heels for my spouse when we were dating and engaged. But after we married, they changed and were not the same person anymore." The truth is that the fiancé was always the same person. The problem was not knowing them more thoroughly. Some say, "I could never have known the truth about who they were because I saw them through rose-colored glasses."

Sometimes, we see outward appearances through negatively tinted glasses. When we go only by outward appearances, our initial reactions can be negative but can prove to be inaccurate. For example, some people tell me they did not like their spouse when they first met. However, after some time, their entire impression became so positive that they fell in love with them.

We tend to go by initial impressions that may be inaccurate. What tints our glasses to be rosy or not so rosy? Our egos are our 'glasses' through which we see everything. The ego tends to see that which confirms its biases. But we can get beyond the ego's bias by the inquiry process.

In inquiry, we seek to know, in-depth, the nature of something. In such investigations, nothing goes on assumption, even if appearances indicate a particular truism. In the inquiry process, we explore and question the subject matter’s deeper layers and aspects. However, true inquiry is knowing the subject matter apart from the filters through which the ego alone perceives that subject.

If we inquire of ourselves the reason WHY we have a particular judgment, we may have a good chance of "smoking out" the egoic perceptions that formed that judgment. When we become conscious of our egos' perceptions and the biases they confirm, we have a greater chance of looking at life without our egoic glasses.

Inquiry: Do you have the patience to inquire why you have the judgments you have?

Dear God,

I pray to be honest with myself about the tinted judgments I make. I pray for the wherewithal to see with clarity. Amen

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