Memory Part 4
February 14, 2025
Memory Part 4
Fortunately, my treasure chest of beautiful memories is overflowing. In reflection, one such memory lights up the sky of my heart like a shooting star.
As a child, I always enjoyed my extended family; I loved my grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I even loved my aunts and uncles by marriage.
But there was one aunt I had trouble with. As a child, I experienced her as touchy and self-centered. Yet I was drawn to her because of her talents, stories, and humor. She could be the life of the party if she were in a good mood, but she could be the party-killer if she were in a bad mood. She could have fun with me, or she could shame me. I never knew what mood she would be in. She is the only one in the family I did not emotionally trust. So, I built a wall of protection between me and her.
In looking back on those years, I now see my aunt must have been depressed and took the family with her on her roller coaster of moods. But as a child, I didn’t know about mental illnesses. As she aged, her mental illness worsened until she was placed under the care of a psychiatrist. Even then, there were suicide attempts.
My memory is that one day, at about age eight, I told my mother my feelings about this aunt. I said, “Mother, I have something to tell you that I am ashamed of — I know we are supposed to love our family members, and I do, but I do not love Aunt Loraine. Is something wrong with me because I can’t love someone in my family? (Little did I know I was a budding Six ego, feeling deviant and disloyal to the family.)
My mother said, “Nothing is wrong with you. All families have people who are unlovable at times. Your Aunt Loraine has many problems, but you do not need to feel ashamed of your feelings about her. And you do not have to love her deeply like the rest of your family, with whom you get along so well. For now, just love her because she is part of the family.”
As I grew into an adult, I understood my aunt’s illness and the battle I had witnessed her fight all my life. Thanks to my mother, I did not shut out my aunt; I simply loved her with a different kind of love until, in maturity, I could more fully understand, empathize, and love her more deeply.
This talk with my Mom was a real gift of love. She gave her child an approach to a situation beyond him. She introduced me to the levels and kinds of love, and I have cherished her advice ever since.
Spiritual practice: List the different types of love you have for the people in your life. If there is someone you cannot love, you may benefit from exploring the reasons.
Self-inquiry: Have you had someone you could not love? How did you spiritually resolve this?
Dear God,
I thank you for my aunt. And thank you for my mother, who loved me enough to explain the nature of love. For the healing memory, I am so thankful. Amen
